Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
