Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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