see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Randomize
