Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
