It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
