He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize