Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize