Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
