omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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