to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
