It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
