we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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