I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
