WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize