That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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