Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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