I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
