..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
