She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize