i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
