At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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