I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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