I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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