I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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