Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
