Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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