The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
