I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
