gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
