well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
