Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
