I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
