i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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