You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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