Ambien. No doubt about it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
