Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
