Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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