Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
