At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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