What did we do last night that was yellow?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
