yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
