This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
