Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
