i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
