well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
