Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Someone signed my nipple.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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