We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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