So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize