I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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