If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
