peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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