you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
