so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
