just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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