everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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