4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
