I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
