You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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