I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
