Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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