Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
