Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
