Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
These tits shall not be calmed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
