dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
