D3 body, D1 cock
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
