i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
