I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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