and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
