hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
