i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
