Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
