I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They have beer where we have blood.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
