I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
