I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
