soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
