I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
