But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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