Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
