Yo dont text me then not text me
i was born a porn star she said
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
