you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
