Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
