for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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