need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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