So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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