Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
