If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
