Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
