I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
