I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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