Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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