He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
