I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
