I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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