Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
