I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
