i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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