shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
