I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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