Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
