It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
