we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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