She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
