Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
